We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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