Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We had sex on a dog bed..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
