Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
