The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize