My first STD was from a foam party
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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