I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
