Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize