I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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