Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and she was petting her beer can
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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