Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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