If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
