im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
