the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
