I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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