I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
