how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
