we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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