The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
