i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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