I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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