I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
