look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
