Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
