quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
