It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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