did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
