i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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