I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
