He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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