That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
