i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
