My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
