She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
