My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
