I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
