Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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