I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He passed out mid-signature
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
