The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
