i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
