All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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