I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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