You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
