I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
