The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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