Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
