Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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