And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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