Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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