I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
