i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
