dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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