we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
