I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
