Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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