she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
