I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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