you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have aggressive nipples.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
