I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
