the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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