Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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