idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
