Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
