After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
