i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
