Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
accomplished twins. life is a go
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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