Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
