when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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