I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
