who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
