Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize