I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
