I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My breasts were aching with rage.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
