By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
