Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
