Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
