Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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