I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
