Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
