Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.