Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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