he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
honey bunches of taint.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
