I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket